


Of Bees and Barrels

by mayanas



Category: Lord of the Rings - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Friendship, Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-08-22
Updated: 2012-08-22
Packaged: 2017-11-12 16:38:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 792
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/493410
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mayanas/pseuds/mayanas
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Pippin's had some trouble with the Gaffer and Merry listens patiently to his explanation.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Of Bees and Barrels

**Author's Note:**

> Some silliness I wrote. Mentions of bees and nudity.

Something slammed into Merry and knocked him over sideways.

“Merry! Merry! You gotta help me, Merry!”

Merry sat up and wiped his hands on his thighs. He remained sitting on the ground, quite sure he’d require sitting down anyway before Pippin, for it was obviously he who had knocked Merry over, had finished the tale of his most recent adventure.

“What is it, Pip?”

“It’s the Gaffer. You’ve got to...” Pippin gulped.

“What have I got to?”

“He’s gone mad, Merry!”

Merry wasn’t one to take everything Peregrin Took said at face value, especially not when Pippin was wound up as he was now. He asked skeptically; “Have you started going through his kitchen garden?”

“No!” Pippin replied indignantly, momentarily distracted. “I haven’t stolen any vegetables since I was a lad. Well, I mean hardly any, but that’s not why he’s after me now!”

“What did you do to him?”

“I didn’t do anything to him! It wasn’t much, honest!”

Merry didn’t look the least convinced.

“Tell me.”

“I just came about his garden and there was this rain barrel full of water and I didn’t do it on purpose, Merry, I swear!”

“ _What_ didn’t you do on purpose, Pip?”

“It was just... there was this bee, you see.”

“I see. Go on.”

“And it sorta got into my... clothes.” Pippin lowered his voice. “... my underclothes.”

“Then what happened?”

“Well, I had to get it out of course! Couldn’t leave that nasty little... _there_ , now could I?.”

“No... I suppose not.”

“So, obviously, I started removing my clothes - in great haste you might imagine.”

“Uh-huh.”

“And then I finally got to my underthings I couldn’t find the stinger! I could hear it and feel it but I couldn’t get my hands on it, Merry!”

“Uhm...” Merry tried to hold back a laugh, only managing so by biting the inside of his cheek firmly.

“Anyway, what was I supposed to do?”

Merry looked slightly aghast. “You removed your underthings? Right there in the Gaffers front yard?”

“I had to! And then I found it was more than one, Merry! More than one bee! There were at least two, and I think maybe three! That was when I panicked.”

“Oh dear... what did you do?

“I jumped in the barrel!”

“Very sensible, Pip.” Merry found it increasingly difficult to hide his mirth. “I can’t see how you could have done anything else. What about the Gaffer?”

“Well... it was right about then he came out of the front door...” Pippin hesitated.

“...and?”

Pippin blushed bright red.

“... With Sam. And Mrs. Gamgee... And Rosie Cotton and Mrs. Cotton... And Tom... And Jolly and Nibs...”

Merry took this in.

“So... he caught you basically taking a bath - naked - in his front garden rain barrel?”

“... That’s pretty much it. Yes.”

“Did you tell him about the bees?”

“I tried, Merry, I really tried, but he wouldn’t listen to me! He kept on about how he was going to plant me feet first in a pot and make me a permanent garden ornament - a _dead_ garden ornament, Merry! - if he could just find a pot big enough for me to fit in.”

Merry laughed. “I wouldn’t worry about that, Pip. I don't think they make those in your size."

“It’s not funny!”

“No no, of course not.” Merry coughed. “How did you get away?”

“Well, I didn’t, not exactly. I couldn’t very well step out of the barrel, could I? I was naked as the day I was born! So I just kinda... slid lower and waited.”

“What did the Gaffer do then?”

“He sort of herded everyone back inside - but I swear I saw curtains moving, Merry! - and helped me out. I don’t think I’ve dressed so quickly in my life! And he kept on growling at me, threatening all sorts of things, and I don’t think he heard anything I said! That’s why I need your help, Merry!”

“What do you want me to do about it?”

“I want you to go and explain to him. About the bees, I mean! He’ll listen to you.”

Merry gave his friend a pitying look.

“Somehow I don’t think that will be necessary, Pippin. I wonder how long it’s going to take you to live this one down.”

“Live this... You don’t think they’ve told anybody, do you?”

Merry didn’t say anything.

“They’ve told everybody, haven’t they?” Pippin’s face was a perfect picture of horror.

Merry nodded and put a commiserating arm around Pippin’s shoulders, though the comforting gesture was somewhat ruined by the chuckling he couldn’t seem to hold back.

“Cheer up, Pip. I don’t think the Gaffer will do you any harm. I’m sure he can laugh about it... for quite some years to come!”

Pippin groaned.


End file.
